Talking to My Father
“I hope that I can be as good of a father to my own son and that my own son will find someone to talk to in me.”
When I was young, I hated talking to my father
I used to think he hated me.
He never laid his hands on me,
but when I would mess up he would yell.
The only times I would ever cry would be when we were arguing,
He didn’t understand me and it didn’t seem like he tried to.
In my heart I used to say, “I never wanna be like you !”
And it crushed me to bare his name as mine,
I felt like he was the very last person I wanted to grow up and be like.
I’d damn near gag when people said we used to look alike,
And I left home for college saying that I would never speak to him if I had my way.
I tried my best to keep from talking to my father.
I wouldn’t pick up calls or answer texts weeks at a time,
I was happy on my own and thought I didn’t need him.
I’m grown now !
I’m home now !
Who needs him ?
He never did anything for me !
All he ever did was yell and tell me what to do !
So I went to college and did what I wanted.
But as I tried my best not to think about him I’d make mistakes,
The same mistakes he tried to warn me about.
Then I realized all the things he would yell at me about as a boy, was just him trying to keep me from making the same mistakes as him.
He wanted me to better.
Nowadays I still don’t talk to my father.
Not because I don’t want to,
But because we’re both busy adults and have to find time in our schedules to call and talk.
I know now that he isn’t evil and doesn’t hate me,
He’s just a man and just like me, he sometimes struggles with effectively communicating his emotions.
My father is getting older now,
He doesn’t yell as much.
My siblings have the blessing of experiencing a much calmer version of him,
I’m a little jealous to be honest,
But I’m happy to see the relationship they have.
One day I won’t be able to talk to my father anymore,
And thinking about that makes me very sad.
But I want him to know that I listened when he spoke,
and I’m doing my best everyday to be a good son and a good man
I hope that I can be good to my own son and that he will appreciate talking to his father.