Heart issues

Happy new year !

It’s finally 2019 and I couldn’t be happier to be where I am now.

Where am I, you ask ?

I am 7 days fresh out of 2018, possibly the most trying year of my life. However, I am thankful for the myriad of uncomfortable situations I had to go through, because now I can say I went through that! And even though there may be some residue in certain areas, I can still say that I have attained another year’s worth of wisdom and I am another year closer to completing my purpose!

But as far as last year goes..

It’s safe to say that never before have I felt so vulnerable in my life. A brotha was tested and in retrospect, it seems as though my heart was the target of each and every test.

I found myself in situations that i was either placed in by others or that I put myself in. I was forced to look internally, because in my vulnerability I either said and did things to others that I did not know I was capable or saying of doing. Certain areas of my heart were revealed to me that I never knew existed and believe me, it wasn’t easy accepting that these things were a part of me.

Like, am I really suppose to believe that I could say something so hurtful to a friend ? Me, disappoint someone the way that I've been disappointed by others ? Hurt someone the way that I have experienced hurt ? Cheat ? Lie ? Hate ? Church-going-JesusLoving-always preaching-no girlfriendhaving-musicplaying-sharplydressed-notats-nopiercinghaving-nevercussing Obed ?! ..naaaaaahhhhhh….

But eventually I had to accept the fact that stuff was a part of me. I couldn’t heal until I accepted the reality of my situation(s).

What did that look like ? It was me asking myself questions like:

“Where did that come from Obed?”

“How could you do that?”

“You’re doing this again?”

“When are you gonna stop?”

“Are you going to have to get exposed?”

“Are you going to have to get disappointed again before you make a decision?”

“Do you really want this?”

“If those doors opened right now, would you be ready to walk through them?”

“Did you think?”

“What were you thinking?”

“How long are you gonna put the blame on someone else?”

“So you’re just gonna keep making excuses?”

As the year went on, I found myself repeating this cycle over and over and over and over and over and over…… and over…. you get the point.

AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

And I hated it !

Because I am usually the one helping others, but this time I had to look in the mirror and the person that was staring back at me wasn’t someone I could run away from. It wasn’t someone I could choose not to text or call back. It wasn’t a friend who was in need of advice from oh so wise Obed, it wasn’t a brother who was stuck or struggling and needed encouragement, it wasn’t someone who needed help praying, it wasn’t a cousin asking how to overcome a porn or a masturbation addiction, it wasn’t backsliding friend from high school who needed help, it wasn’t a sister who needed relationship advice, it wasn’t a teammate who wanted to know how to get closer to God, or a pretty girl needing a church to visit.

Nah... this time it was me, and there was no running from that.

So seven days into 2019 I look back and reflect on last year, and I am beginning to realize the importance of the way that I impact my environment, while also thinking about how my environment has impacted me. Lastly, I am at a junction in my life where I am wondering if I have placed enough intentionality on the impact that I want my life to have on the world around me when all is said and done.

As I think through these things, here are some questions that might help you put 2018 into perspective and help you set your focus for the new year.

What does impact mean ?

Who/what in your life have had the most impact in shaping you ? (short-term and long term).

Who/what have you impacted negatively ? (short-term and long term).

Who/what have you impacted positively ? (short-term and long term).

Who/what do you want to have an impact on ? (short-term and long term).

Obed Jean PierreComment